good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
When are your genitals available?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
