The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
