WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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