Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
