He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
