im holly from the hills drunk
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
