Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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