Your dad touched me again.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Randomize
