Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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