Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize