Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
