oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
