I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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