dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
