sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
