Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
