I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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