I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
