Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
