Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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