the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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