the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
