Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
