he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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