Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
