i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
