my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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