why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
