if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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