am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
