I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
