the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
