One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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