My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
