Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
