I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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