**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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