Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
