grandma shit on top of the toilet
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
