I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
