Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
