Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
