he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
