I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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