first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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