He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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