We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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