This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
