Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
