oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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