Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
